Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
