I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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