come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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