I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
