4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
