using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
