dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
