I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
