yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize