just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
