is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
