Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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