You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
