U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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