You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
