Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
