Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize