did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
