only if we run a train.
done.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
