I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
