yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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