You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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