my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't turn off my feet"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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