Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was born a porn star she said
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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