my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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