hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
