just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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