8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
