I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize