So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
