Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
birth control should be required to get into college
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
