In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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