I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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