And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
