First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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