your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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