so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize