I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
