I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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