WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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