its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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