What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
