What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
