so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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