Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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