i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
