I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
