You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
