His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
