He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
did you just send me my own nude
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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