so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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