It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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