I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
