No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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