just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
