By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
