Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
