i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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