i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
