I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
