It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
