he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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