her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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