all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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