he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
