Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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