Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
