that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
