Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
