trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
