So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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