i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
