I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
