every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
