you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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