PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
