Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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