My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
