things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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