my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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