so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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