Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
