my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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