Don't you send me to vm
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize